April

No particular reason for these poems. They are all by women, all mention April, and all reflect on death. Plus - I enjoy them.



Dorothy Parker

I shall come back without fanfaronade
Of wailing wind and graveyard panoply;
But, trembling, slip from cool Eternity-
A mild and most bewildered little shade.
I shall not make sepulchral midnight raid,
But softly come where I had longed to be
In April twilight's unsung melody,
And I, not you, shall be the one afraid.

Strange, that from lovely dreamings of the dead
I shall come back to you, who hurt me most.
You may not feel my hand upon your head,
I'll be so new and inexpert a ghost.
Perhaps you will not know that I am near-
And that will break my ghostly heart, my dear.



Sara Teasdale

When I am dead and over me bright April
Shakes out her rain-drenched hair,
Though you should lean above me broken-hearted,
I shall not care.

I shall have peace, as leafy trees are peaceful
When rain bends down the bough;
And I shall be more silent and cold-hearted
Than you are now.



Edna St. Vincent Millay
Spring in the Garden
Ah, cannot the curled shoots of the larkspur that you loved so,
Cannot the spiny poppy that no winter kills
Instruct you how to return through the thawing ground and the thin snow
Into this April sun that is driving the mist between the hills?

A good friend to the monkshood in a time of need
You were, and the lupine’s friend as well;
But I see the lupine lift the ground like a tough weed
And the earth over the monkshood swell,

And I fear that not a root in all this heaving sea
Of land, has nudged you where you lie, has found
Patience and time to direct you, numb and stupid as you still must be
From your first winter underground.

Loch Ness

When my daughter was in college she spent one summer working in Scotland. I joined her for the last three weeks of summer and we travelled Scotland, Wales and England, riding the British Rails and staying at various Beds and Breakfasts. The trip was one of the best of my life. I wouldn't have gone if not for my daughter, because I am normally afraid to fly, and flying is kind of necessary to get the Britain these days, but happily I made the flight.

One of the most memorable days of the trip was in Inverness, Scotland.

We signed up to go on "Gordon's Loch Ness Tour". Gordon was a retired biologist with a large van. He loaded up two American's (my daughter and I), a Canadian family of three, two Japanese and three Italians and drove us out to the Loch. Once there Gordon served us tea, kept hot in a couple of thermos jugs.

(I kept confusing the British by asking for "hot tea", because the British can't even imagine drinking tea any other way but hot. They don't drink iced tea. They don't drink iced anything.)

Once tea was served, Gordon asked if anyone wanted to swim, and offered his collection of bathing suits for our use. No one wanted to swim in the cold lake, but Gordon said he would. Then he calmly removed all his clothing on the beach and put on a pair of swim trunks. Now the Japanese and Italians took no notice at all of the brief public nudity. The Canadians looked vaguely uncomfortable, but kept talking, while the Americans dropped their mouths open in amazement and didn't know where to look. Americans just don't do nudity in public. I think most of them don't even do nudity in private. Maybe it's the Puritan in us.

After his swim, Gordon led us on a hike up the mountain above Loch Ness. It was a three or four hour hike through the trees, with a stop for sandwiches, and up to a glorious meadow of heather. The view from the top was spectacular, and well worth the climb. Getting down the mountain was actually harder than getting up, but the whole trip was exhilarating, and I am grateful to Gordon, and my daughter, for making it possible.

We didn't see the Loch Ness monster, we saw a little more of Gordon than we bargained for, and we saw some interesting cultural differences.


My Picture Left In Scotland

I now think love is rather deaf than blind,
For else it could not be
That she
Whom I adore so much should so slight me,
And cast my love behind;
I’m sure my language to her was as sweet,
And every close did meet
In sentence of as subtle feet,
As hath the youngest He
That sits in shadow of Apollo’s tree.

Oh, but my conscious fears
That fly my thoughts between,
Tell me that she hath seen
My hundred of grey hairs,
Told seven-and-forty years,
Read so much waste, as she cannot embrace,
My mountain belly and my rocky face;
And all these through her eyes have stopped her ears.


Ben Johnson

Forgive Me, Forgive Me

So the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff is calling homosexual acts immoral. This from a guy whose subordinates kill, maim and torture people.

Stevie Smith
Forgive me, forgive me

Forgive me forgive me my heart is my own
And not to be given for any man’s frown
Yet would I not keep it for ever alone.

Forgive me forgive me I thought that I loved
My fancy betrayed me my heart was unmoved
My fancy too often has carelessly roved.

Forgive me forgive me for here where I stand
There is no friend beside me no lover at hand
No footstep by mine in my desert of sand.

The Year of Not Shopping Part 2

I continue not to shop for things, and it's going pretty well. I'm staying out of the malls entirely, and at the bookstore I grab a magazine to read and head for the coffee shop. Then after the family has shopped, I put the magazine back on the rack and leave. I did buy two bunches of tulips at the grocery store last Saturday, but they don't count because I won't have to store them. I've been reading and rereading books I already own. I went through the first six Harry Potter books, and loved them all over again. Fortunately, my husband has already pre-ordered the seventh Harry Potter book from Amazon.com (It's due out in July) so I can read it when he's done with it. Next, I actually went to the Blockbuster Video to rent, rather than buy, the four Harry Potter movies. I have not rented a movie in years, but why stop with the books? The second movie wasn't available (all checked out, I guess) and I was quite content to have three to watch, but the husband went to Best Buy to buy the missing movie so I could watch them all in order. He's a sweetheart, but is it cheating to not shop, and then have someone shop for you?

I've talked at least one person at work into not shopping with me.

Could two people not shopping account for the recent stock market losses? If so, I'm sorry.


Sara Teasdale
Barter

Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up,
Holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like the curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.